When They Need A Favor, Who Do They Call?

GREAT… It is now August 2022. All untimely events seem to happen to me in August. I’m not really looking toward this being a great month, as my life is currently a catastrophe. And things will only seem to get worse for me this month.

Every time I look back and reflect on situations and my relationships with others, I’m always left asking myself…

• “What the fuck did I do/say to make this person treat me like this/that?”
• “Why were they the ones that were the most upset?”
• “Why am I the one in the position that I am in?”

I just can’t seem to figure this shit out! I do not understand how everyone else is left feeling victimized, after everything that was done to me! Which is exactly why I’m working on putting my life in perspective. I’m reliving every one my life’s incidents with specific individuals, by writing the TRUTH on things, on my “Narratives” page. Not one narcissist will be left out! As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I’m no longer leaving people anonymous. I want everyone to be held accountable for their actions. Because I’ve already been held accountable for mine. I never pretended to be someone I wasn’t. And anything I did wrong in these situations I fully acknowledge and take responsibility. I am aware that I am not innocent of some shit. I don’t believe my participation was as bad as what the other parties have done against me! These narratives explain the many levels of disrespect!

If anyone is reading this horrific little blog, brace yourselves, from now on my level of disrespect is beyond a scale of 0 to 100.

My actions been louder than my words

Random Interlude

I felt it was necessary to post this, as I am having a hard time these days. I have lost myself once again, in other people’s bullshit. It took two seconds to read my horoscope. Only to realize that I was never the problem to begin with. It’s really everyone else. Everyone thinks I have changed. But I have been the same ol Jayde. I just won’t tolerate THEIR bullshit any longer. No matter what I say or do, I still turn into the ‘bad guy‘.

…”So say good night to the Bad Guy!” — Tony Montana 🙃

8/24/2022 @ 4:28PM [Listen] & [Read]

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my
Mind

“How can I be strong?” I’ve asked myself
Time and time I’ve said
That I’ll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
I’ve come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I’ve cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
Making love to you
Oh, it felt so good and
Oh, so right

“How can I be strong?”
I’ve asked myself
Time and time I’ve said
That I’ll never fall in love with you again

So here we are alone again
Didn’t think it’d come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
I’ve come too close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don’t think I can take the pain
Never fall again

Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don’t you stand there and then
Tell me you love me then leave again
‘Cause I’m falling in love with
You again

Hold me
Hold me
Don’t ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again

Coming Out Of My Cage & I’m Doing Just FINE!!!

Wow. What a time to be alive?
HOW FUN WAS COVID? 😷 Is COVID, really over though? 😒
I literally can’t believe that was the last time I posted on here… Right before COVID-19!😯

J E S U S ! How do I sum up how ridiculous the last T W O   Y E A R S have been?
Let’s see how quickly I can brief this all up…

Well, I lost my freedom. I mean my apartment.
Moved back in with my TOXIC ASS family.
Changed jobs, time and time again.
Dated another ex again — Andre 🤮
Of course, that did not go well.
And I     W A S     R I G H T     A L L     A L O N G about H I M (Desmond).
His stalker ass came back too… 💔 ONLY TO LET ME DOWN AGAIN! 💔

I had weight loss surgery in Aug 2021. I’ve lost almost 50 pounds and have 25 more pounds to lose!

Now it’s 2022. I’m heartbroken. 😞 Lonely. 😞 Depressed. 😞 Hurt. 😞 Sad. 😢 The list goes on and on..

THE BRIGHT SIDE: I have been sober. It has been 5 years since I smoked weed. It’s very rare for me to have a drink. I see it like this… I already feel like shit all the time, why add to the problem?!

F r i e n d s ? What are those? I name drop now! Haven’t you noticed?
And I already told you that my ‘family’ is still TOXIC!

But at least, I have M O N E Y     I N     T H E     M O T H E R F U C K I N G     B A N K,     B I T C H!!!!! 🤑

So why am I blogging? Why’d you come back to your failing blog, Jayde?
I figured, why not?! It’s not like anyone R E A L L Y cares about me.
It’s not like anyone is Googling #llcooljaydddde, looking for my opinion?!
It was a way for me to cope with my depression and anxiety, when it was at its worse!
I should go back into writing and venting.

I know I have a lot more catching up to do on this thing.
Maybe it might help me again. Maybe it won’t.
I won’t know, unless I try…

But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr. Brightside

And I’m back to my ways…

…Because I’m heartless.

If you are not helping me with bills. You ain’t putting money in my pockets or wallet. I’m not sweating you. I’m not saying I don’t give a fuck, but I don’t give a fuck! I don’t worry about anyone else but myself. I’m not saying I know it all. But I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to deal with you or your shit. I want MY SHIT! I got MY SHIT! And ONLY, my shit! If it ain’t about the money, it isn’t my business. If you not trying to put a ring on my left finger, I don’t want the relationship. If you you not trying to help me with my rent, my car note, my car insurance, my utilities, putting gas in my automobile, I don’t want NO FUCKING PARTS OF YOU! No apologies, because I’m sure you don’t know what you’re sorry for. No excuses, because you’ll just do it again. If you’re coming around to use me, QUIT, because it won’t happen with this captain! Understood? I’ve taken complete control of my life and NO ONE will be allowed to take that away from me.

I don’t got time to argue with you.
You ain’t NOBODY!
You MAD!
YOU BIG MAD! – Plies

My new way of life is, to be how everyone has ever treated me…

…H E A R T L E S S!