Who’s Gonna Save My Soul Now?

CARE n. A feeling of concern, anxiety, or worry; guardianship or custody.
v. To show interest or regard.

If you “CARE” about me, why do you criticize me? Ridicule me? Degrade me? Disrespect me?

RESPECT v. To show consideration or esteem for; to relate to.
n. Courtesy or considerate treatment. Continue reading “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul Now?”

Who’s Gonna Save My Soul Now?


…”Yet, here we are still!” Watching little ol me. LMAO. “In the video. TRUE!” What is so important/unimportant about her, ya see?! You watch, just to see. You’re tuned in, but are afraid of me. Watching my tone? Watching my attitude? My style? My ways. My actions. FOR WHY? I don’t know but I completely don’t understand. WHY ME? I mean ain’t nothing so special. I’m just tryna do my own thing, my own way. Mind my own business. Do some things. This journey is fucking insane. People aren’t so free as they claim to be. I’m trying to take away the anger, yet whatever I do, it’s not good enough. But it’s your entertain, I guess.

So why do I play along? Oh, it’s the drama of it all. Please. I find it funny that it’s always the “circle of people” around me. What’s saucier about that statement, is that I don’t even be opening my mouth, laying a motherfucking finger, don’t even be in the same room or atmosphere as YOU or THEM or ANYONE IN PARTICULAR, and I’m the Hot Topic of conversation.  I guess the joke is on me. Literally, figuratively! LOL!

So where the fuck is my CHECK? My name is said so much, where tf is my loot? My name rings bells so much, it gotta be a check somewhere out there with $189,498,247,149,679.15 and my God damn name on it! I mean, right?! The fuck!? I can see why PEOPLE drive a 19-year-old boy to shoot up a school. Too much focus on the wrong things. Too much focus on materialistic values and not enough focus on the time that we have now. People take too much time to focus on how another person is doing on the exterior, rather than the interior. I might look like I’m doing good, living good, enjoying life. But deep down on the inside, I hurt just as much as any of you. I’m human too. And as a human, I shouldn’t have to express gratitude and appreciation to anyone when I already know how humble I am. No one knows how it feels to be Jayde on a daily basis. I’m constantly judged or based off of outer appearances. Who is she? She is who? What she was or what she’ll become? Shit, as if I didn’t already know!

LOVELIFE. Isn’t that what life is supposed to be about? Being so uplifted into yourself that you want to uplift others to want to take away a piece of you? Isn’t that why we go to funerals when someone we loved so much passes away? We try to remember their life, their love, their spirit of what is God?

But yet, you want to take that away from me?! Call me, talk to me. I want to talk to you. But not if you’re going to act the way that you do; With impatience, negativity, nastiness, meanness, bitterness, shamefulness, and HATE. The tic for tac shit, just isn’t where I’m at. We can talk about it all, but I don’t want to argue. I’m done fighting. I’m done with the anger. But the games, are stupid. It’s just dumb, what everyone does. I’m not perfect, but I never did things to people, as they have done to me.

Don’t act like you know EVERYTHING. You’ve only come but so far in what has been short to you but long to me. My journey, this life is not something I asked for, but I came for some purpose. I haven’t figured my purpose but disgracing me or anyone else for being a working progress is the issue in the world. Not how big or small a person is. Not if I’m black, white, dark, or light. Or pretty ugly. Yeah.

I may or may not have been in your shoes, but you haven’t been in mine either…ENJOYLIFE.

Happy 2018 🙄😔


In a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!

Laugh. It’s this thing I’ve been doing. My nail is broken AGAIN. I cry on the inside. I’m still two seconds away from slapping a bitch. But then I make myself laugh. Real quick. Remember those random phone calls? Every now and again I still get them. I don’t even want to play along anymore. I just laugh and let my eye continue twitching. I know what it is, deep down inside. (Cruella Deville laugh inserted here)

I don’t even know how long it’s been without a cigarette. It’s been months. I think I quit back in April or May? So 5 to 6 months, I have to say is good, after quitting a terrible habit. But I’m good. I am still physically tired as shit. But now I have to carry my dead weight as if the shit doesn’t exist. It hurts but I got shit to do, unfortunately.

Work. I need more! And I mean that shit. “Hit me, baby one more time!” Lol.

Addiction. (heavy sigh) Which one am I really not working on? Because let’s face it, everyone has something they’re addicted to. I’m coming to terms with my issues. It’s only a matter of time before everyone comes into their own. You know, just like how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly or a cucumber into a pickle!? Hehe. Humor me. I’m bored, on a day off, in the freezing fucking cold pits of Hell. Yeah, it’s not always fiery hot in Hell. So I keep writing. I keep my pen and notebook handy. Gee, I sound like Steve. I have a lot of open books that i’m working on too. Just not enough time in a day. The mathematics aren’t always summoned, as I see it. I play with my Maink. Just busy, busy, busy. Have to make more time to make more changes. Because there’s been tons of “changes”. But sometimes, Dyana just can’t get enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!

Protected: Will She Be Loved?

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Protected: Will She Be Loved?


I’m being harassed by multiple people, and yet people are accusing me of being some type of criminal? How does this make sense? Disorderly conduct. What the hell is a Disorderly Conduct? According to the Mirriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of Disorderly Conduct is a petty offense chiefly against public order and decency that falls short of an indictable misdemeanor. Almost every state has a disorderly conduct law making it a crime to be drunk in public, “disturb the peace”, or loiter in certain areas. All three reasons, I am not guilty of this unethical and/or imaginable crime. I may have an aggressive voice when I do talk. But understand, I am usually a quiet person. I do not talk to people on a daily basis. Yes, I interact with people, but the situation and circumstances have always been different. However, I have never gotten physical or caused any injury to another person. I, however, have been kicked, punched, slapped, bruised, sprayed with mace while already being handcuffed, beaten with my own property, to be specific, my shoe, threatened, sexually assaulted (because this was all done by MEN), stabbed, robbed, and then put behind bars because I NEVER CAUSED ANY HARM TO ANOTHER SOUL, HUMAN, PERSON, OR BEING! But I am the criminal? I have been attacked by my parents, my siblings, their significant others, the HAMDEN POLICE DEPARTMENT, the MERIDEN JUDICIAL COURT, the NEW HAVEN JUDICIAL COURT, or Curt B. Leng, Thomas J. Wydra, Lyle Bennett, William Onofrio, John Cappiello, John Sullivan, Paul Scarcella, Mike Cirillo, Michael DePalma, Mark Atwater, Mark Katz, Mark Gery, William May, Thomas Conroy, Craig M. Capone, Greg McLean, and Chaylynne Brooks, just to name a few individually. These people have brought false and incorrect “criminal charges” against me, when I am the victim. Which leads me to my next issue. Resisting Arrest. What the hell is resisting arrest? Well, in some countries, resisting arrest is a criminal charge against an individual who has committed, depending on the jurisdiction, at least one of the following acts: fleeing a police officer while being arrested or threatening a police officer with physical violence while being arrested. So let’s be clear, about this. I was probably speaking loudly, however, I never was angry, nor expressed physical violence towards a single person, human, or being close or near me, and I was brought upon these charges. And why is saying that I’m not willing to be imprisoned, “resisting arrest”? Technically, I am not allowing you people to kidnap me, which by definition is to seize and hold a person unlawfully. The HAMDEN POLICE DEPARTMENT are corporate kidnappers.

Here, is my technical issue. I was arrested for Disorderly Conduct because I was loud while talking. Which means I was arrested for expressing and justifying my First Amendment right, according to the United States Constitution. And these “Judicial systems” are calling me a criminal just because of that?! Feel free to reread that again, if you aren’t understanding me clearly!

So not only are these “corporations” exploiting a photograph of me across the Internet abroad cryptic search engines. Again, let me remind you, “for showing emotion while engaging in conversation”. Which by definition is an informal talk, verbal discussion with someone or a group of people, oral communication. But wait, let’s get back to my Constitutional rights. Because let’s face it, that is apart of the law. Well, what good are the rest of my Amendment rights? I genuinely like the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments, which each contain a due process clause. Which by definition means dealing with the administration of justice and thus the due process clause acts as a safeguard from arbitary denial of life, liberty, or property by the Government outside the sanction of law.

Well, these motherfuckers already got 6 unnecessary months from me. And these mother fuckers had the audacity to put me on probation for 2 years after that. For what? OHHHHH, so you can spy on me and WATCH ME DO NOTHING! What is it that I am really doing? Let me know, what I am doing WRONG, so I can know! And stop myself from doing it right now!? So yes, I said FUCK THAT SHIT and told Craig Capone he can file all the dumb paperwork if he wanted to. Keep wasting your time, because my time is so much more precious. Because while he decided to violate an imaginary probationary period of my already fucked up life, I’ve been here chillen by my moody self, and working at a cheesy department store, writing, and working on a professional portfolio which are based off the exquisite goals and dreams I want to achieve in life. But I can’t because corporations are threatening me, my being, my life, my liberty, and my equal protection of law.

Where are my equal protection of the laws? Don’t I deserve some type of protection from the people who get paid to “protect the community”? How is 3 armed men, beating down an unarmed, 5’8″, 215 lb woman, who is already handcuffed and thrown into a sedan, again, for only speaking, getting community protection? Again, I have the proof of how they decided they wanted to handle the situation. By causing me bodily harm and emotional distress. I have been traumatized by these actions, by these actors, also known as police officers. I do not carry a weapon and I did not make any volatile statements or movements. So why was I manhandled like I said, I would blow up the White House with my bazooka? What has been their excuse? Where were their apologies? By sending me to Meriden Superior Court, where they have NO IDEA what really happened, continue setting up continuous dates to proceed with a case that will never get solved.  Which is another forced upon corporation of actors, also known as judges, prosecutors, and public defenders. They want to send me to jail, because I refuse to continue playing this game of intellect. I have committed no crime here. I am the victim in all of this. I have been disrespected, mutilated, abused and taken advantage of. Where is my justice?

Last summer, I was falsely incarcerated because I didn’t want to go to court. I still don’t want to go to court. I don’t have to. If I am showing you that I am not doing anything criminal, why are you still pursuing me as a criminal. Especially when I never did anything criminal to begin with. I do not sell illegal drugs. I do not gamble. I do not commit fraud, unlike the United States government. They want to imprison me for using my natural “God” given rights and this is legal, how? Aren’t you suppose to have all of this physical evidence? Well, here is mine…

This is just a crumb off the cookie that the HAMDEN POLICE DEPARTMENT did to me! There is your physical evidence. And who did I, Jayde, assault? Who did i cause a threat to? These police officers, who are “in character”, carry guns, tasers, and other dangerous weapons, that have proven to MURDER people on site. And luckily I have been gracious enough to avoid those possible outcomes, but this is still not right. This is illegal and I am taking a stand! These are the criminals. And no one is going to shut me up. I’m going to personally and individually do what these criminals are doing to me. They are exploting and slandering my being. I am not a criminal nor a danger to society. I don’t have intent or thoughts to harm any other person. I am in charge of Jayde NOT YOU!!! So suck my high yellow imaginary dick on a blood clot day!