Who’s Gonna Save My Soul Now?

CARE n. A feeling of concern, anxiety, or worry; guardianship or custody.
v. To show interest or regard.

If you “CARE” about me, why do you criticize me? Ridicule me? Degrade me? Disrespect me?

RESPECT v. To show consideration or esteem for; to relate to.
n. Courtesy or considerate treatment. Continue reading “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul Now?”

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Who’s Gonna Save My Soul Now?

1-800-Aren’t-Yall-Bored

…”Yet, here we are still!” Watching little ol me. LMAO. “In the video. TRUE!” What is so important/unimportant about her, ya see?! You watch, just to see. You’re tuned in, but are afraid of me. Watching my tone? Watching my attitude? My style? My ways. My actions. FOR WHY? I don’t know but I completely don’t understand. WHY ME? I mean ain’t nothing so special. I’m just tryna do my own thing, my own way. Mind my own business. Do some things. This journey is fucking insane. People aren’t so free as they claim to be. I’m trying to take away the anger, yet whatever I do, it’s not good enough. But it’s your entertain, I guess.

So why do I play along? Oh, it’s the drama of it all. Please. I find it funny that it’s always the “circle of people” around me. What’s saucier about that statement, is that I don’t even be opening my mouth, laying a motherfucking finger, don’t even be in the same room or atmosphere as YOU or THEM or ANYONE IN PARTICULAR, and I’m the Hot Topic of conversation.  I guess the joke is on me. Literally, figuratively! LOL!

So where the fuck is my CHECK? My name is said so much, where tf is my loot? My name rings bells so much, it gotta be a check somewhere out there with $189,498,247,149,679.15 and my God damn name on it! I mean, right?! The fuck!? I can see why PEOPLE drive a 19-year-old boy to shoot up a school. Too much focus on the wrong things. Too much focus on materialistic values and not enough focus on the time that we have now. People take too much time to focus on how another person is doing on the exterior, rather than the interior. I might look like I’m doing good, living good, enjoying life. But deep down on the inside, I hurt just as much as any of you. I’m human too. And as a human, I shouldn’t have to express gratitude and appreciation to anyone when I already know how humble I am. No one knows how it feels to be Jayde on a daily basis. I’m constantly judged or based off of outer appearances. Who is she? She is who? What she was or what she’ll become? Shit, as if I didn’t already know!

LOVELIFE. Isn’t that what life is supposed to be about? Being so uplifted into yourself that you want to uplift others to want to take away a piece of you? Isn’t that why we go to funerals when someone we loved so much passes away? We try to remember their life, their love, their spirit of what is God?

But yet, you want to take that away from me?! Call me, talk to me. I want to talk to you. But not if you’re going to act the way that you do; With impatience, negativity, nastiness, meanness, bitterness, shamefulness, and HATE. The tic for tac shit, just isn’t where I’m at. We can talk about it all, but I don’t want to argue. I’m done fighting. I’m done with the anger. But the games, are stupid. It’s just dumb, what everyone does. I’m not perfect, but I never did things to people, as they have done to me.

Don’t act like you know EVERYTHING. You’ve only come but so far in what has been short to you but long to me. My journey, this life is not something I asked for, but I came for some purpose. I haven’t figured my purpose but disgracing me or anyone else for being a working progress is the issue in the world. Not how big or small a person is. Not if I’m black, white, dark, or light. Or pretty ugly. Yeah.

I may or may not have been in your shoes, but you haven’t been in mine either…ENJOYLIFE.

Happy 2018 🙄😔

1-800-Aren’t-Yall-Bored

In a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!

Laugh. It’s this thing I’ve been doing. My nail is broken AGAIN. I cry on the inside. I’m still two seconds away from slapping a bitch. But then I make myself laugh. Real quick. Remember those random phone calls? Every now and again I still get them. I don’t even want to play along anymore. I just laugh and let my eye continue twitching. I know what it is, deep down inside. (Cruella Deville laugh inserted here)

I don’t even know how long it’s been without a cigarette. It’s been months. I think I quit back in April or May? So 5 to 6 months, I have to say is good, after quitting a terrible habit. But I’m good. I am still physically tired as shit. But now I have to carry my dead weight as if the shit doesn’t exist. It hurts but I got shit to do, unfortunately.

Work. I need more! And I mean that shit. “Hit me, baby one more time!” Lol.

Addiction. (heavy sigh) Which one am I really not working on? Because let’s face it, everyone has something they’re addicted to. I’m coming to terms with my issues. It’s only a matter of time before everyone comes into their own. You know, just like how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly or a cucumber into a pickle!? Hehe. Humor me. I’m bored, on a day off, in the freezing fucking cold pits of Hell. Yeah, it’s not always fiery hot in Hell. So I keep writing. I keep my pen and notebook handy. Gee, I sound like Steve. I have a lot of open books that i’m working on too. Just not enough time in a day. The mathematics aren’t always summoned, as I see it. I play with my Maink. Just busy, busy, busy. Have to make more time to make more changes. Because there’s been tons of “changes”. But sometimes, Dyana just can’t get enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!

Protected: Will She Be Loved?

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Protected: Will She Be Loved?

I Got The Power!

I’m shocked at how things have been turning out. I almost hit the bottom, last week. But then I remembered that I am the shit! I have to remember that I am the shit! I have to have more power in my life. If I allowed everyone to know that they got under my skin, they win. And after watching Laura Govan’s episode of Iylana’s Fix My Life, I’ve learned that instead of wanting to control, I should want to be in charge! Ouuu! Everyone wants control, but don’t want to be in charge! What a fucked up lesson to learn, and on television, eh?! Even though, I knew I was already the head motherfucker in charge, now, I’ve got to prove it. And I’m going to. I finally got myself a new place of employment. *crosses fingers* I have my “relationships” going in the right directions. Yes, no strings or feelings attached. I feel not only a sense of empowerment, but some freedom.

Of course, I do tend to have my setback thoughts and think about that idiot fuckhead. But I’m not going to fall through with my petty impulses. I’m just going to focus on my music, my writing, and my photography. I’m going to focus on the things that interest me. I’m going to stop looking for things that need to come and find me. I’m going to actually start living. I want to live life. Something I never really experienced because I’ve been drowned in utter darkness for so long. But all of that is over. I’m going to free my mind and let the rest follow. *dances to En Vogue*

And If you don’t like the new Cool Jaydddde, guess what, your loss because this Jaydddde is the motherfucking shit and a boss bitch! Watch out for these bad bitches!

I Got The Power!