I’m about to drive in the ocean.
I’ma try to swim from something bigger than me.
Kick off my shoes. And swim good.
Then I awoke up. I had another dream or premonition. Only this time, I was talking to HIM & HER! We spoke numerous times over the phone. We spoke pleasantly. We spoke with hurt and truth. But we all spoke?! What does this all mean? I can’t remember the entire conversation, but I remember there actually being a conversation. As I woke, I laid there. Not mad, not sad. Confused. Is this really going to happen? Is any of my dreams, going to happen? Why does this man and woman, that I’ve never met seem to interfere with my life? As if, I don’t already have complications already happening… Why can’t I get him from off my mental? Why do I love him, knowing that he’s expressing his feelings to her? JUST WHY? Why me? Why this? Why couldn’t I have stopped him from walking into my life 5 years ago, and prevent this pain? Now I have to deal with it and heartache. I have to deal with constant reminders on a daily basis. I can’t turn on the radio and not let a song remind me about the situation. I hate leaving the house, because of my fear of running into him. I never want to be in a particular part of Connecticut, because I don’t want to chance it, facing my fears. Why me? Why these dreams? Why am I so calm about this? Why do I feel like crying? Why do I want to harm myself? Why do I feel so much more alone? Why do feel that the road is coming to an end? Can I be saved?
I do not understand why people like to play phone tag. It’s also uncannily to know that these people are doing this at their place of employment. What’s annoying about this factor is that I have no way of proving this, because I am all the way in fucking New Haven, doing what I am supposed to be doing. You know, minding my own business! While this “anonymous” person is in the jungles of Bumafucktown having an interesting day playing behind mobile devices. *inserts heavy eye roll* Yessssssssss, for the millionth frickin time! I shit you not! Every single day, there is a brand new telephone number. I mean, at least, it’s not being blocked anymore. I give HIM or HER some credit! But I’m not a retard. When I call back, all of a sudden the number is no longer in service, or I get continuous random text messages that just make no kind of sense. I don’t know what the fuck is this man’s and his woman’s issue with me, but this shit has to LITERALLY FUCKING STOP! I can not take the fuckery any longer. Now, I know that I have other ordeals going on in my life and I’m not ruling those factors out either. But if that were the case, those PIGS already have my ADDRESS! Pick me up motherfuckers. Come handle your motherfucking “BUSINESS” punks! They won’t. But for the millionth, God loving motherfucking time, I Am Not With Stupid <——. Do not let one night of foolishness, confuse the shit balls out of yourself! I am not naive or immature. “PUSH ME TO THE EDGE! All my friends are dead!” =P You people are not for me just as much as I am not for you. Continue reading “Phone Tag, More Premonitions, & #facts!”