For some reason the Ghosts of Past Relationships likes to do brief check ups on my current life. All of these ex-boyfriends all of a sudden want to reenter my life. Claim to correct all the wrongs they’ve ever encountered with me. Why has 2017 done this to me? I mean ex-boyfriends from high school, junior high school. If Ali Bell calls me, then I know I’ve got some good kitty kat. Meow. But this is getting ridiculous. I’ve finally decided to commit myself to one person. Yes, someone from the past. But this was someone that I pushed away. It was a long time ago and I was a different person back then. But our relationship is like something I’ve never experienced. I’ve been getting and giving the loyalty that I’ve always wanted. He makes sure that I’ve eaten. He even cuddles up with me on my couch in the cold dark dungeon. He puts a smile on my face. And when I’m a complete bitch to him, he doesn’t want to argue back with me. He leaves me alone when I want him to. But I never want him to. He’s what I’ve always wanted in a boyfriend. But why am I still tempted to fuck it up, of course?! Why is HE still on my mind? Why did I see him back in October in the streets? I fucked around and called my boyfriend Jack Sparrow, being that my ex was Davy Jones. I have daily visions of him coming back again. Only now, I have someone’s heart in my hands. How can I end the cycle of lies and deceit, if the cycle continues to fight in me? How can I still want to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to fight for me?
How can I still be hungry if I already ate? And yet, I’m still craving a burger from Wendy’s.
Work has been keeping me occupied. But still these exes just won’t stop. There’s Jevon, Lucious, HIM, Rashawn, Baby Grinch, and the list has just gone on and on. I’ve shown bae the texts, he’s not surprised. He knows I’m a good one. But my mind is a challenge, all on it’s own. I been trying to just be Jayde, but Dyana and Delilah know how to work their magic and unleash the devil. Those hoes can’t be stopped. They may never be tamed.
I’m not as depressed as much. I can honestly say I’ve been happier since Bae came back into my life. But I want to keep him private from the world for right now. For some reason, I like the drama of my past coming back. I enjoy making my exes suffer. Giving them the same fiery Hell they caused me way back when. I feel mildly evil. Not Cruela DeVille evil, but just about enough cruelty in prances around in my cerebellum.
Anyways, I know that I’ve been neglecting my blog. I’ve been neglecting my literature. My true peace of mind and clarity. But Bae has been the reason. He’s been motivating me. He’s been nourishing me. We’ve been upgrading each other. But now, I must get back into the things that have been there for me when he was not. I’ve been trying to get this Youtube and portfolio thing really going. But I’ve been overly occupied with shit. I need to motivate myself back into the old shit. And I will soon. Just stay tuned.