In a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!

Laugh. It’s this thing I’ve been doing. My nail is broken AGAIN. I cry on the inside. I’m still two seconds away from slapping a bitch. But then I make myself laugh. Real quick. Remember those random phone calls? Every now and again I still get them. I don’t even want to play along anymore. I just laugh and let my eye continue twitching. I know what it is, deep down inside. (Cruella Deville laugh inserted here)

I don’t even know how long it’s been without a cigarette. It’s been months. I think I quit back in April or May? So 5 to 6 months, I have to say is good, after quitting a terrible habit. But I’m good. I am still physically tired as shit. But now I have to carry my dead weight as if the shit doesn’t exist. It hurts but I got shit to do, unfortunately.

Work. I need more! And I mean that shit. “Hit me, baby one more time!” Lol.

Addiction. (heavy sigh) Which one am I really not working on? Because let’s face it, everyone has something they’re addicted to. I’m coming to terms with my issues. It’s only a matter of time before everyone comes into their own. You know, just like how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly or a cucumber into a pickle!? Hehe. Humor me. I’m bored, on a day off, in the freezing fucking cold pits of Hell. Yeah, it’s not always fiery¬†hot in Hell. So I keep writing. I keep my pen and notebook handy. Gee, I sound like Steve. I have a lot of open books that i’m working on too. Just not enough time in a day. The mathematics aren’t always summoned, as I see it. I play with my Maink. Just busy, busy, busy. Have to make more time to make more changes. Because there’s been tons of “changes”. But sometimes, Dyana just can’t get enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In a Fickle? Eat a Pickle!

Phone Tag, More Premonitions, & #facts!

I do not understand why people like to play phone tag. It’s also uncannily to know that these people are doing this at their place of employment. What’s annoying about this factor is that I have no way of proving this, because I am all the way in fucking New Haven, doing what I am supposed to be doing. You know, minding my own business! While this “anonymous” person is in the jungles of Bumafucktown having an interesting day playing behind mobile devices. *inserts heavy eye roll* Yessssssssss, for the millionth frickin time! I shit you not! Every single day, there is a brand new telephone number. I mean, at least, it’s not being blocked anymore. I give HIM or HER some credit! But I’m not a retard. When I call back, all of a sudden the number is no longer in service, or I get continuous random text messages that just make no kind of sense. I don’t know what the fuck is this man’s and his woman’s issue with me, but this shit has to LITERALLY FUCKING STOP! I can not take the fuckery any longer. Now, I know that I have other ordeals going on in my life and I’m not ruling those factors out either. But if that were the case, those PIGS already have my ADDRESS! Pick me up motherfuckers. Come handle your motherfucking “BUSINESS” punks! They won’t. But for the millionth, God loving motherfucking time, I Am Not With Stupid <——. Do not let one night of foolishness, confuse the shit balls out of yourself! I am not naive or immature. “PUSH ME TO THE EDGE! All my friends are dead!” =P You people are not for me just as much as I am not for you.

November 2016 – RELEASED! …From all that was hell and misery. I left ALL OF YOU behind! I left all of you IN THERE! I didn’t call or reach out to ANY OF YOU afterwards! I no longer CARED! I stopped. And guess what? I was FINE! GREAT! BETTER! I no longer CARED! But I had obligations and a new commitment to and for myself. I was doing FINE. I was doing OK. I was doing what I was supposed to do! I was giving myself back to me. I was tired of the crying and hurt. I didn’t want it anymore. So I stayed the fuck away! *in my Wyclef Jean voice* January, February, March, April, May… I turned another year older, but I was drama and random phone call free. I ended up back on the streets again, but that was my own decision. I lost out on occupations and money, because this country thinks it should control me. It’s funny, how after I got HIS out of nowhere texts and we had, what I thought, was our FINAL phone call back in April. Shortly after, I began receiving the random/spur of the moment text messages and phone calls. But I haven’t made one complaint. I mention it then dismiss it. I’m not really angry anymore. Because I am aware of the people that I have to deal with. My only issue with this situation is, that EVERYONE has had the audacity to say that I am the craziest, stupidest, weirdest, and most dysfunctional human being on all of the planet Earth. Okay?! What is it that I have to prove to you people? Do I have to Wendy Williams my life for you? I need to show you receipts? I didn’t know I needed a tax off on my own life… But if proof is what the people need, then here is some:

Was the thirst not clarified? Let’s discuss how the universe is continuously bringing this man and/or woman into my life. Having these premonitions/dreams. And then more incoming phone calls and text messages. I swear to God and my dead father, I am no longer into someone who could never show me to my face that he really did give a fuck about me. I don’t care about someone who posts pictures with a woman he has either no romantic feelings for, and/or doesn’t really want to be with. I no longer have no interest in catering to someone who couldn’t cater to me. I have no interest in someone who has to lie to three people; her, his child, and himself. I have no interest in someone who has to continuously stalk me on social media to see what is going on in my life. Not that I care. Because I don’t care about you, at all. But for some dumb fucking reason, the universe wants me to. He is always in my dreams, to the point that I no longer want to go to sleep. To the point, that I find myself randomly feeling him next to me. Or I that I find myself going to the mall to test out his cologne. Literally.

How does one song just comprehend my struggles?¬†I move on, but I can’t let it completely go, because it is continuously happening. Why does my past control my future? Why is everyone trying to keep me as a stagnant and miserable person? Was I more interesting that way or something? Was she easier to control? Because I don’t remember it being that way. But still I try to proceed with my progress to prosper out of the shadows of death. The weak will never understand the depths of my strength. Don’t say that you weren’t warned!

Phone Tag, More Premonitions, & #facts!

I’m Different

So many ideas. So little time. Added some creative things to this little thing. Haven’t been in a writing mood. But I’ve been in great spirits. Surprisingly enough, I can finally WOOSAH for a moment. Been thinking about getting back into trying the whole YouTube gig. I’m diving for spotters. So far I only have my old trusty AJ. I been thinking about writing a tale about him in my Dyana series, but then again some things should be kept to myself. I rather spare those details for the camera life, if it ever happens. I am back to working on my updated portfolio. Of course, there’s a minor glitch. I found my SanDisk flash drive but my dumbass made all my vaults password protected, and I can’t figure out all of the passwords. Fuck my life! However, I was able to crack some of the codes and I found some of my other stories. Even after digging through a bunch of boxes and found old notebooks too. These stories on my flash drive, were the reasons I started taking my writing more seriously, way back when. So maybe I’ll double my recovery workload on adding more stories, content and blasting my ideas from outer space. Or my secret little world. My mind is on a whole new level. I hope everyone is tuned in to the show…

I’m Different