Phone Tag, More Premonitions, & #facts!

I do not understand why people like to play phone tag. It’s also uncannily to know that these people are doing this at their place of employment. What’s annoying about this factor is that I have no way of proving this, because I am all the way in fucking New Haven, doing what I am supposed to be doing. You know, minding my own business! While this “anonymous” person is in the jungles of Bumafucktown having an interesting day playing behind mobile devices. *inserts heavy eye roll* Yessssssssss, for the millionth frickin time! I shit you not! Every single day, there is a brand new telephone number. I mean, at least, it’s not being blocked anymore. I give HIM or HER some credit! But I’m not a retard. When I call back, all of a sudden the number is no longer in service, or I get continuous random text messages that just make no kind of sense. I don’t know what the fuck is this man’s and his woman’s issue with me, but this shit has to LITERALLY FUCKING STOP! I can not take the fuckery any longer. Now, I know that I have other ordeals going on in my life and I’m not ruling those factors out either. But if that were the case, those PIGS already have my ADDRESS! Pick me up motherfuckers. Come handle your motherfucking “BUSINESS” punks! They won’t. But for the millionth, God loving motherfucking time, I Am Not With Stupid <——. Do not let one night of foolishness, confuse the shit balls out of yourself! I am not naive or immature. “PUSH ME TO THE EDGE! All my friends are dead!” =P You people are not for me just as much as I am not for you.

November 2016 – RELEASED! …From all that was hell and misery. I left ALL OF YOU behind! I left all of you IN THERE! I didn’t call or reach out to ANY OF YOU afterwards! I no longer CARED! I stopped. And guess what? I was FINE! GREAT! BETTER! I no longer CARED! But I had obligations and a new commitment to and for myself. I was doing FINE. I was doing OK. I was doing what I was supposed to do! I was giving myself back to me. I was tired of the crying and hurt. I didn’t want it anymore. So I stayed the fuck away! *in my Wyclef Jean voice* January, February, March, April, May… I turned another year older, but I was drama and random phone call free. I ended up back on the streets again, but that was my own decision. I lost out on occupations and money, because this country thinks it should control me. It’s funny, how after I got HIS out of nowhere texts and we had, what I thought, was our FINAL phone call back in April. Shortly after, I began receiving the random/spur of the moment text messages and phone calls. But I haven’t made one complaint. I mention it then dismiss it. I’m not really angry anymore. Because I am aware of the people that I have to deal with. My only issue with this situation is, that EVERYONE has had the audacity to say that I am the craziest, stupidest, weirdest, and most dysfunctional human being on all of the planet Earth. Okay?! What is it that I have to prove to you people? Do I have to Wendy Williams my life for you? I need to show you receipts? I didn’t know I needed a tax off on my own life… But if proof is what the people need, then here is some:

Was the thirst not clarified? Let’s discuss how the universe is continuously bringing this man and/or woman into my life. Having these premonitions/dreams. And then more incoming phone calls and text messages. I swear to God and my dead father, I am no longer into someone who could never show me to my face that he really did give a fuck about me. I don’t care about someone who posts pictures with a woman he has either no romantic feelings for, and/or doesn’t really want to be with. I no longer have no interest in catering to someone who couldn’t cater to me. I have no interest in someone who has to lie to three people; her, his child, and himself. I have no interest in someone who has to continuously stalk me on social media to see what is going on in my life. Not that I care. Because I don’t care about you, at all. But for some dumb fucking reason, the universe wants me to. He is always in my dreams, to the point that I no longer want to go to sleep. To the point, that I find myself randomly feeling him next to me. Or I that I find myself going to the mall to test out his cologne. Literally.

How does one song just comprehend my struggles? I move on, but I can’t let it completely go, because it is continuously happening. Why does my past control my future? Why is everyone trying to keep me as a stagnant and miserable person? Was I more interesting that way or something? Was she easier to control? Because I don’t remember it being that way. But still I try to proceed with my progress to prosper out of the shadows of death. The weak will never understand the depths of my strength. Don’t say that you weren’t warned!

Phone Tag, More Premonitions, & #facts!

I Got The Power!

I’m shocked at how things have been turning out. I almost hit the bottom, last week. But then I remembered that I am the shit! I have to remember that I am the shit! I have to have more power in my life. If I allowed everyone to know that they got under my skin, they win. And after watching Laura Govan’s episode of Iylana’s Fix My Life, I’ve learned that instead of wanting to control, I should want to be in charge! Ouuu! Everyone wants control, but don’t want to be in charge! What a fucked up lesson to learn, and on television, eh?! Even though, I knew I was already the head motherfucker in charge, now, I’ve got to prove it. And I’m going to. I finally got myself a new place of employment. *crosses fingers* I have my “relationships” going in the right directions. Yes, no strings or feelings attached. I feel not only a sense of empowerment, but some freedom.

Of course, I do tend to have my setback thoughts and think about that idiot fuckhead. But I’m not going to fall through with my petty impulses. I’m just going to focus on my music, my writing, and my photography. I’m going to focus on the things that interest me. I’m going to stop looking for things that need to come and find me. I’m going to actually start living. I want to live life. Something I never really experienced because I’ve been drowned in utter darkness for so long. But all of that is over. I’m going to free my mind and let the rest follow. *dances to En Vogue*

And If you don’t like the new Cool Jaydddde, guess what, your loss because this Jaydddde is the motherfucking shit and a boss bitch! Watch out for these bad bitches!

I Got The Power!

People Really Suck!

What is the point of having good vision when life isn’t clear as day? Judgment. Isolation. Pure evil and Hell! That’s what I’ve seen.

Obsessing Him, reviewing the actions of the petty woman who birthed me, and overcoming my feelings of how I allowed myself to become a complete piece of shit. Your God created me for some completely ignorant reason. What is the lesson here? What is my purpose? Why me? I have, who I am, as a person completely figured out. I don’t need to talk to these people or that person. What is that really doing for me? So I’m talking. Okay, BIG FRICKIN DEAL! But it doesn’t stop me from feeling how I feel. It doesn’t take away what has happened. It doesn’t stop me from wanting to do what I have always felt to be right!

A disease is what The People label it. It’s not okay to feel like that. It’s not normal. Did you ever consider that it is normal for me? Think about it. I’ve been depressed since my teenage years. My first attempt at suicide was when I was thirteen. I overdosed on over-the-counter medication. Yes, cheap medication that you can buy at your local pharmacy. I was even more awkward then. Someone who kept to self and minded my own business. Sure, I had friends but I never talked about it. I tried to suck it up. I smiled and laughed at jokes. Real shit happened. But I still cried every day. I think that I just didn’t want to cry any more. Little luck did that do me! So one day, I raided the medicine cabinet and four days later I wake up in Yale with a pumped stomach and a heavy chest. Of course, I was just a beginner then. It was easy to fool people when they had no clue of who I really was. Lies, are what you suggest. But the doctors are the ones who concluded that my body just overreacted on itself. Woo hoo, I was in the clear to go for it again!

Now we are at many failed attempts. And I still have no sense of purpose. I don’t get the point or memo. Why am I still here? Why are people so quick to judge? Why can’t people have good intentions? You know, do onto others as you would do onto them. Why am I getting out of the blue phone calls instead of the friendly home visits? A real apology. Why do people get jealous and insecure? Why are guys so thirsty to the point that they have to force control upon women? And when men don’t get their way, they are quick to garnish your name all to save face? Why does everyone feel the need to be in control of every single thing? Look at who you idiots elected as your fucking president! This is the dumbest fucking country in all of the world!

How did this become normal to us? How did we allow ourselves to think that the world we live in is okay? It has it’s up and it’s downs but there are far more downs than there are ups and I am disgraced. If our ancestors saw us now, shaking my damn head. I want to use my powers for good. I want to believe we can make it a better place. As of now, I must start with me. Is that Selfish? There are just some things that I’m not okay with anymore. Therefore, certain things and people will be terminated until further notice. I’m doing what the fuck I want. I’m being myself for me. Because I know that overall I won’t be for you. Not that I really would want to.

People Really Suck!